he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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