I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
