well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
