So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
