just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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