Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
