Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
