If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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