he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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