Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
