I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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