I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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