uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
