cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
