I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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