We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
