i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
True but thats because hes a fetus.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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