Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
how drunk are you?
Several
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
