there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
