I am puke
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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