Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So vagazzling was a success
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
