Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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