dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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