how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
