we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
