I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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