I feel like I'm in dance class right now
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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