2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
