JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
