he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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