I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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