drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
