my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
