ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
