Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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