Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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