Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
