You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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