Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
