just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
