You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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