i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
