i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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