I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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