she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
