I'm going to jail i love you
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
