Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
