My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
