I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
