his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
