you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
